Twelve years ago, someone told me I was too stupid to do anything on my own. Last night, I proved him wrong with a 42-page instruction manual and a vanity that’s now standing in my daughter’s room.
Now, I know some of you might be wondering what on earth that has to do with surviving domestic violence. Well, grab your comfiest chair and settle in for a story. My abuser, let’s call him John (nope, not his real name, lol), had a habit of tearing me down in ways that left scars you can’t see. He would ridicule me, speak to me with contempt, and call me names like “dumb bitch” and “idiot.” He’d tell me I couldn’t do things because I was “too stupid.” The irony? At the time, I was making four times his salary as a teacher’s aide… and he had no problem stealing from me and living off my income. But that’s a story for another day.
August 10, 2025
Survivor Standing Tall
Fast forward to yesterday. For five months, a brand-new vanity sat in a box in my daughter’s room, untouched. I kept putting off building it because I dreaded the memories it might bring back. But finally, I sat down with her, instructions in hand, ready to take it on. The manual alone was 42 pages long and I knew I was in for a marathon. As I sorted pieces and gathered tools, I heard his voice echo in my mind: “You can’t do this. You’re too stupid.” It played on repeat, a tape from 12 years ago still trying to run my life. But this time, I decided I wasn’t going to let that voice win. With every step I completed, the volume of that voice dropped, and my own sense of pride grew louder.
By 11:30 p.m. — after starting at 4 p.m. and taking a two-hour dinner break — the vanity was standing tall. And so was I. It’s been years since I’ve allowed myself to even think about John, much less feel affected by his words. Yet yesterday, for a few hours, I was right back there. The difference now? I shut it down.
I want anyone reading this, whether you’re still in an abusive situation or healing from one, to understand something: these are the invisible scars. Something as small as assembling furniture can transport you back to a time when you doubted your worth, criticized yourself, and simply tried to survive. But there is life on the other side of abuse. I won’t lie — there will still be days when you question how you ended up in that situation. But with time, support, and the choice to put yourself first, you can and will reclaim your power.
Know your worth. Always. 💜