Today in Virginia, the sky is gray, cloudy, drizzly, and heavy. Honestly, I woke up feeling the same way: kind of meh. This is what living with anxiety and chronic PTSD after an abusive relationship can look like.

I feel drained. Emotionally unavailable. Like I’m dragging my feet through the day. My mind won’t stop racing with thoughts I can’t seem to quiet. My plate feels too full. And with that comes guilt: guilt that I’m not showing up as the mom I want to be, or as the partner I want to be. Some days, it feels like I’m just not in a good place.

This morning, I shared how I was feeling with someone, and she gently suggested, “Maybe write a blog post about it.” At first I resisted, but the thought stayed with me. Because the truth is, I want to share my experiences—both the highs and the lows—in hopes that my words might reach even one person who needs to hear them. Still, some days I don’t have the energy. Some days are harder than others.

Even twelve years later, the effects of abuse can feel like the “gift that keeps on giving.” I take two steps forward, then three steps back. And I often find myself asking, What am I even doing with my life? That’s the reality of trauma; it lingers, it echoes.

But here’s the reminder I want to leave with you: it’s OK.

It’s OK to not be OK.

It’s OK to need to pause, to recharge, to take a day just for yourself.

That’s what I chose to do today. I spent the day with my daughter, curled up on the couch. We binge-watched a ridiculous show on Netflix, laughed until our sides hurt, and soaked in the comfort of just being together.

And tomorrow, I’ll try again. Because tomorrow is a new day.

I know that I am safe.

I know that I am calm.

I know that I am worthy.

And so are you. 💜

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